I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
