the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
