Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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