Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
