Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
