Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
