Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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