so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
