U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize