I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
