I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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