Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
