what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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