I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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