I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
