This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
