I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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