4 words: hood of his car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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