my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
