if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
