Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
