nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
