Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
