I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
