hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
