i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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