There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize