Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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