Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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