She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
