One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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