Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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