Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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