I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
