WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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