It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
