omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
