i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
