Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
