Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
