i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
