Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
