Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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