The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
