And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize