she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
