I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
