Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Swine flu is the new snow day.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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