I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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