I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
