I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize