what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
