The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
