Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
honey bunches of taint.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize