I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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