He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
