i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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