Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
