if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
