Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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