I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
