FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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