Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've blown a few things in my day
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
