dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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