Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
