she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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