as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
