Welp...herpes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
