just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
