oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
