Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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