I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
